You’ve heard a story like this a million times.

Man complains of stomach pain.

A friend says, “You may be constipated, you should go to the doctor.”

Mr. Stomach Pain replies,¬†“See a doctor? For constipation? Screw that. I’ll just go home and stick a live eel up my ass.”

Wait. What?

No, it happened. In Cheeyyyyna.

From the South China Morning Post:

Doctors in southern China have removed a half-metre live eel from the stomach of a middle-aged man who inserted the elongated fish in himself supposedly as a folk remedy for constipation, according to a local newspaper.

The patient told doctors in Guangzhou that he had heard word on the street that his condition could be effectively relieved or even cured by a living eel, the Guangzhou Daily reported on Tuesday.

He was hospitalised last week when the live fish began to wreak havoc on his intestines after he inserted it in his anus, the report said.

Eels have pointed jaws, sharp teeth and a slender body that moves in waves, allowing them to burrow efficiently through sand, mud and pebbles. The eel used by the man was said to have a head as large as a ping-pong ball.

The bad news is that he almost died. The good news is that he’s no longer constipated.

I’m happy to report that the man and the eel were married in a small ceremony outside Shanghai.