Fingers: Put down that fried chicken you may be killing the planet or something! How you may ask? Find out next on the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly)
Fingers: This is the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly) I’m Fingers Malloy, she’s Tracy L. Connors. Well Tracy lefty climate change alarmists are at it again. It was cute when they wanted us to ditch our SUVs but now they’re coming after what’s in our refrigerators. And surprise, surprise their target is almost every food Americans enjoy.
Tracy: Yes, according to CNN These Are the Most Climate Damaging Foods. You ready for this Fingers?
Fingers: Go ahead.
Tracy: Number 1: beef. Number 2: lamb. Number 3: butter. Number 4: shellfish. Number 5: cheese. Number 6, and here’s a curveball for ya. asparagus.
Fingers: They had to throw one in. To tick off their lefty friends.
Tracy: It’s because of air miles Fingers. Most of our asparagus is flown in from Latin America.
Fingers: And everyone hates asparagus.
Tracy: I love asparagus!
Tracy: Ok, moving on! Number 7: pork. Number 8: veal. Number 9: chicken. And number 10: turkey.
Fingers: Oh of course, Turkey.
Tracy: Well if you’re going to have chicken, you’re going to have turkey.
Fingers: Well, it synonymous with Thanksgiving a holiday that should be turned into a national day of atonement to acknowledge the genocide of America’s indigenous peoples.
Tracy: This looks like a wish list put out by the vegan’s of America of all the foods to ban. With the exception of asparagus.
Fingers: We should all just eat Soylent Green and drink tainted tap water.
Tracy: Take it up with the National Resources Defense Council, they’re the geniuses that put this together.
Fingers: Have you looked them up?
Tracy: I have not.
Fingers: Huge organization. They have like five or six different locations. Right now they’re hiring twenty people, unbelievable, probably on government grants.
Tracy: Did you apply to any jobs there?
Fingers: No I did not.
Tracy: Do you remember any job openings they have in case our listeners are interested in applying?
Fingers: Social media person. I remember that.
Fingers: I don’t know I’m too busy killing the planet one Hooter’s chicken wing at a time.
Tracy: Good for you!
Fingers: I’m telling you I hate these people cause it seems to me their mission is to seek people out who are enjoying life and they do everything they can to wreck a good time.
Tracy: They will be the death of fun if we allow them to be.
Fingers: Screw these people I’m going to McDonald’s.
Fingers: Yes. I hope the McRib is back. And that’s the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly) I’m Fingers Malloy and she’s Tracy L. Connors.