Fingers: The health cops are at it again find out what they’re ticked off about now next, on the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly).

Fingers: This is the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly), I’m Fingers Malloy, she’s Tracy L. Connors. Tracy, first they came after your e-cigs, now they’re coming after your energy drinks. You have the story.

Tracy: I do from the Daily Signal:

The health police are turning their sights to energy, calling for tobacco style regulations on caffeine and bans on energy drinks for young Americans.

Now this comes in the wake of, I don’t know if you saw the story Fingers, there was a kid that a couple of weeks ago died after ODing on caffeine.

Fingers: Yes.

Tracy: And so because of this of course we have to have a crack down.

Fingers: If it saves one child’s life Tracy.

Tracy: Of course. Well this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a caffeine overdose.

Fingers: Caffeine, it’s a killer!

Tracy: It is so, we’ve Pat Crawford and Wendi Gosliner, are researchers at  the University of California’s Nutrition Policy Institute, which sounds like a fun place to work, and they want the FDA to crack down on energy drinks with restrictions similar to those placed on alcohol. The FDA must “ban the marketing of energy drinks to young people of all ages.” Does that sentence even make sense?

Fingers: Who determines exactly who is a young person?

Tracy: Well that’s why they have to say, “young people of all ages.”

Fingers: That’s what I don’t get.

Tracy: They want a public education effort launched about the dangers of caffeine.

Fingers: This is just the gateway to taxing caffeine.

Tracy: Probably, yeah.

Fingers: This is what they do. The only way we’re going to make people aware of the problem, we’re going to have to tax them and of course use that money for education purposes.

Tracy: Of course! Consumers just don’t know the risks involved with high levels of caffeine.

Fingers: But you’re right, I want to know how you get a gig at the Nutrition Policy Institute.

Tracy: I bet you they’re fat.

Fingers: You think? I bet they’re all vegan.

Tracy: No, I bet you they’re incredibly unhealthy. It’s like when you go to Whole Foods and everyone there looks like they’re on their last legs.

Fingers: And what do they mean by marketing to young people? So are they going to have to change the names of these drinks like Monster? Ooooh Monster that appeals to young people!

Tracy: Yes! Rock Star which was my energy drink of choice definite appeals to young people.

Fingers: So look for it, this is just the beginning. Just like your soda tax in Philadelphia Tracy.

Tracy: Yep, they’re coming for your caffeine next.

Fingers: And that’s the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly) I’m Fingers Malloy and she’s Tracy L. Connors.