[TRANSCRIPT]

Fingers: Whatever you do, don’t step in a puddle on Bourbon Street. Why you may ask, find out next on the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly).

Fingers: This is the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly) I’m Fingers Malloy, she’s Tracy L. Connors. Tracy, you’ve been to New Orleans.

Tracy: I have.

Fingers: Have you been on Bourbon Street?

Tracy: Yes sir.

Fingers: I’ve never been to New Orleans or Bourbon Street but I have to believe if you’re walking down the street, they have street sweepers, it’s probably very clean, mostly vomit and urine free but you have a story that’s disturbing about the streets of New Orleans and specifically Bourbon Street.

Tracy: Yes, I do, this is from Nola.com. So, there’s a website called LuminUltra and they’re apparently devoted to microbes, and they decided to check out how sanitary the puddles on Bourbon Street were. Now this may shock you Fingers, about 1/3 of the puddle samples contained fecal-related bacteria.

Fingers: No!

Tracy: Yes! This is a quote from John Tillotson, who wrote the story over at LuminUltra, “The presence of these fecal bacteria are likely predominantly due to manure from a large mammal,” So did you know that bigfoot lives on Bourbon Street?

Fingers: Sasquatch. Where is fecal matter from large animals coming from? I mean I know where fecal matter from large animals comes from, but how does it make its way on Bourbon Street?

Tracy: Well they have a lot of parades on Bourbon Street. And they might have carriage rides too from horses that tour around the city for all I know. I didn’t see any that I recall, but I don’t recall much about that place at all. I’m just happy that I was wearing sneakers I believe when I was there, or close-toed shoes at the very least on Bourbon Street.

Fingers: This should make everyone never want to wear sandals again.

Tracy: Yes.

Fingers: But, I’m fascinated over the fact that there’s a website that is apparently devoted to microbes.

Tracy: There’s something for everyone on the internets.

Fingers: How would you like to be at their New Year’s Eve party?

Tracy: Oh, so gross. They’be probably be testing everything in the joint. Take a swab of your water glass and report back to you that there’s large mammal fecal matter on the rim of your glass there.

Fingers: Do you think each of them have an individual blacklight that they shine on everything?

Tracy: Yes!

Fingers: What a fun group. So what we’ve learned today is if it rains on Bourbon Street, don’t stand near a curb where a car could drive by and splash you with large mammal fecal water.

Tracy: It’s a good lesson.

Fingers: And that’s the Enough Already Daily Brief(ly) I’m Fingers Malloy, she’s Tracy L. Connors.